Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
