matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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