After last night, I could never be a politician.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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