im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
