How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
