Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
