Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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