She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
