then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
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