tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
