eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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