whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
