Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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