is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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