we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
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