Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
