I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
