I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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