If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
