I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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