One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
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I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
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That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
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