So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Sacagawea was the original milf.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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