"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
