i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
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