someone get that fucking seahorse.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
