i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
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