please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
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