Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
