I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
