I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Send help, water and tortillas.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
