and you said cock pushups were impossible
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
