your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
