someone get that fucking seahorse.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
