Ambien. No doubt about it.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
We're too hungover to prance.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
