Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
