i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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