Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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