good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Never underestimate the power of titties
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