And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Randomize
