dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
