I'm jealous of your bromance
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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