Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
