Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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