I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Randomize
