remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
This toilet bowl is my home.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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