Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
