Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
