One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
