You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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