Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
