I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
