Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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