I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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