Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
