It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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