it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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