dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
