Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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