If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
