Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
