I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
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