I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Just cropdusted the office
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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