Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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