Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
