there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
sarcasm needs its own font
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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