Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
