She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
