Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
