make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Dick very happy bro
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
