how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
she peed on how many people?
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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