not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
