just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
