pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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