Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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