laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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