Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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