I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
